My Heart Sings

Today was one of those days that made my heart sing, the song in my heart couldn't have been any louder. That song was praise to my Papa.

Over the past weeks we have been doing assessments, home visits and interviews for possible new intakes into our child sponsorship program. We enrolled 22 in total, who now have a chance to get a free education. The school term started last Monday and now these children are getting an education that otherwise would be non-existent.

These children come from backgrounds and situations that make me ask the question "Why?!" with anger, heart-ache and frustration. This question is so simple but yet the answer is so complex and I may never understand. Often it feels so unfair and unjust but in the midst of it, when my heart is breaking, God fills my heart with a song, praising the one and only who is unconditional love.

For the first time today, these children received their school uniforms. The absolute joy on their faces brought tears to my eyes. Many were posing for photo's in their new clothes, many couldn't stop smiling, they were filled with so much excitement that they were just running up and down for no apparent reason, children charged at me with a huge hug, smile and a massive "thank you!". But it wasn't me they needed to thank, it was their Daddy in heaven, who loves them more than anything. As I stood back watching these precious children, my heart sang praises and I thanked God. It was one of those moments that I was literally falling more in love with Jesus, I couldn't stop myself.  As children around me were laughing and giggling with pride, my heart was rejoicing. I couldn't think of any other place I would rather have been. I don't know if these children will remember it for the rest of their lives but I most certainly will. When I asked the question "Why?!" I found my heart singing and I fell more in love with Jesus.

My heart also sang when prior to the children receiving their uniforms I sat with them and asked what they have learnt so far at school. All they could tell me was "friends!" They had learnt how to make friends!!! I have built a closer bond with these children and they are my friends and that's something that also makes my heart sing.

Maybe I need to ask this question more, "Why?!". The more questions I seem to have about this life and the things of God, the more God reveals Himself to me. Sometimes it's in ways that make me cry but today it made my heart sing!

Children before they received their uniforms (some wearing old uniforms from other schools)

Looking so smart in their new uniforms!

Isn't she beautiful, she makes my heart sing!!!

Posers!!!

Anger that makes the devil flee

Exodus 32:19-20
"When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. And he took the calf they had made and burned it in the fire; then he ground it to powder, scattered it on the water and made the Israelites drink it."


I love this verse!

I know this might not be the right biblical interpretation but this is what God showed me. And who's to say that what God reveals is wrong.


Moses was angry, I could only imagine him running through the camp screaming, being so full of rage that he had so much adrenaline pumping through his veins that he was able to tear down that damn golden calf.

I want Moses' anger! I want to be full of rage at the things of the devil. I want my anger to be so great that the devil flees.

Yes I know that anger isn't normally something that people pray for or something people would even agree with me on, but that's cool. I don't need people to agree with me.

Anger causes people to do and say things they wouldn't normally. They have the balls and guts to confront people and situations. I want this courage that anger gives someone; to tear down city walls that are holding a generation and generations back, things in my life that the spirit of complacency has allowed me to settle for, the things the devil is orchestrating right in front of my eyes that before I would let slide and think not much of it. If this alone isn't something to get angry about, than I ask the question... "How much power will the devil have before somebody gets angry?"

Ultimately the devil is a coward and when he knows that we are angry about his ways of power over us and holding us back from where God has promised to take us (just like the promised land was promised to the Israelites by God), he will without a doubt back off and flee. Because when we are angry God gives us the balls to take him on head on and the guts to rip him down and shred him to pieces as we declare Jesus!

Blessed

A few weeks ago we had a team from Melbourne come help out at Jordan House for a week. Will and I were blessed by their presence with us in Uganda, even if it was for only 7 short days. Fellow Australian's and to hear our own accent and slang again, Yay!!! Just hanging out with them, sharing stories and laughing was refreshing.

The whole team was fantastic and they truly loved their experience and who could blame them. God was moving in their lives and it was so evident.

The time we spent with them was really special and when they left one of them, Robert Agius, said that we will be friends for  life. This words were so true, we made friends for life in 7 days and we really miss them! Being able to share this experience with each other is rare and defiantly something to be treasured.

You all blessed us so much and we miss you...

Courage to be obedient!

Last week I received a link from my Mum for a position in Vietnam, working with a missionary family. Naturally I wanted to find out more, so I emailed the contact that I was given immediately with my experience, qualifications and asking them more about the details. Within half an hour I received a reply saying that I was well suited for the opportunity, the family would be contacted to find out more details and someone would contact me soon so I could start the application process.

"Wow that happened fast!" I thought to myself.

Honestly I don't think the opportunity is suited for Will and I, for many reasons, but it got me thinking...

Would we be obedient if God made it clear that this is where He needed us?
Would we be willing to give up our plans knowing full well that His plans are for eternity?

I want nothing more than to spend time (a long time) with my family and close friends, after being away from them for a year. But if God calls us else where for a season my prayer more than anything right now is that we would have the courage to be obedient.

The first thing that came to mind when I received the link about the position was "Why would Mum email me this, she would be so sad to see us go again". Later I find out that the Holy Spirit prompted her to do so and she emailed me the link with tears streaming down her face. Whether something comes of this or not, it doesn't matter, she was obedient and that's all God requires from us.

With just over 10 weeks before we land back on Australian soil I wonder what and where God will lead us to next? What will be our next season? I have no idea! Yes we have our plans but we need to be prepared to through them aside at any time if God needs us to. It may be in the little things not necessary moving to Vietnam but whatever it may be may we have the courage to be obedient!

Reckless

What I'm about to right about has been itching at me for days. But after hearing that two people I know have had cars accidents today, Easter Sunday, I have to write about it now. It can't wait!!! Life is too precious.

I want to live a reckless life!

No I don't mean the reckless life of partying, getting blind drunk, sleeping around, base jumping, tattoos, piercings, swearing, nudity, drugs. The list goes on and these are actually things that come up when you google "reckless living". So sad. That's not a reckless life!

I want to live a reckless life!

A life that means something. That leaves a legacy behind for my children and my children's children. That takes the road less travelled. That doesn't care if I'm the odd one out. That stands when everyone else sits. That sprints to the finish line when everyone else is just running. That is obedient to God no matter the cost. That doesn't settle for the normal or mundane. That steps out in faith and sees miracles. That feels God's heart. That feels His presence daily in all circumstances. That loves like God till it hurts and then more. That doesn't believe the lies of the devil. That leads by example. That would give everything away in an instant to see the Kingdom of God be fulfilled. That looks in to people's eyes and sees Jesus no matter who they are. That has a marriage that isn't perfect but a marriage that speaks of God without saying a single word. That has God at my very core until I am a fragrance of Him. That is in complete awe of Him. That has the courage to speak what God places on my heart. That will go into battle even knowing my life is at risk. That doesn't let the devil reign over my circumstances. That will step out of my comfort zone. That breaks barriers. That lets go of all fear of man. That worships God no matter how I'm feeling. That fears God. That somewhat comes close to the reckless life that Jesus lived. That simply living the "Christian" life  just isn't enough!

Big shoes to be filled I know. But this is the life I want. Reckless. It comes at a cost and I want to do everything I can to full fill this life that God has intended for me. A normal life isn't good enough and I won't have it. I need my friends and family to get on board. Make me accountable!!!

My heart is burning and my Spirit is stirring

Beautifully Broken

Wow! Right now that's all I can say about my God...

He forever blows me away with His love, faithfulness and the BIG things He shows me, even in the little things or things that seem insignificant.

I'm going to try my best to put into words what God has shown me recently. Every time I think about it, it humbles me and I want to fall at His feet, do nothing more than just be there at His feet...

I have recently shared about the beginning of this year, my fears and the revelation God gave me. What God is doing in me never stopped there. As I shared, this year is going to be massive spiritually, I can feel it and God is preparing me. Even after the last revelation I felt like something was wrong with me. I was experiencing things that I never have before, things that I felt I shouldn't since God called Will and I to Uganda. I felt transparent, not in a way people could see through me but in a way that made me feel vulnerable. Vulnerable emotionally and spiritually. Emotionally I was a wreck, one little thing could set me off in a whole day of crying, anger, negativity and doubt. I was determined not to be attacked spiritually, even though I felt like I was at times, I wasn't going to let it reign a high position in my life! I pressed into God in a way that was new and it hurt! I was pouring out everything to God, my fears, my hurt, my confusion, my doubt, my anger. But boy did I feel God ever so close. I could feel his presence fall over me. He was so real, He was my safety, He was my strength, He was my peace, He was my friend to pour out my heart to, He was my comforter, He was everything I wasn't!

Even though I was experiencing God in a way that I never wanted to let go off, it defiantly wasn't a place I wanted to be. I didn't want people to know, let alone see, how shattered I was. Things were happening in me that I had never experienced before and I didn't like it. I wasn't given the time to process any of it. Answers were required of me that I couldn't give. Assumptions were made. Things were spoken over our lives that went against everything we knew, without a doubt, God had for us.

One day God gently whispered to me, ''Your broken". This might seem strange but I could actually discern that it was a good thing. God was spot on but I asked the question "What does this even mean?"and "How is this good?. No one wants to be broken!

"Beautifully broken" was what He whispered to me next. God showed me that when I come to Him broken, in all my weakness, it's the perfect most exact place He wants me. It's a place for God to do what He needs in my life. During this time I was so broken that I wasn't resisting, even if it hurt more, how God wanted to mold me. He used this time to get my attention. God showed me that I was beautifully broken because nothing is more beautiful than where God wants me. He wanted me at His feet in awe of Him and I couldn't help but be anywhere else.

I have since embraced being beautifully broken, not in the same sense as before, God has been healing me and working through things in my life. But in a way that I come completely undone to myself, making myself broken before him. I am nothing without Him, He is everything I'm not. God showed me that even if I'm having the best day ever in my whole life, it's still on this day that I need to come to Him beautifully broken, making myself undone and available to Him. Being beautifully broken needs to be part of my everyday. It's a constant reminder that God is everything I need, everything I'm not and everything I need to strive to be. I am God's daughter and He requires me to be beautifully broken, everyday. There is no more beautiful place to be!

I don't want to miss it!

In January I blogged about my feelings for this coming year and how I could sense in my Spirit that God was preparing me for something, something that I knew and still know is going to be big. I couldn't pin point my feelings of being scared or what I was even scared about. I just want to share with you an update about these feelings.

Still in January, when all these feelings were fresh, I shared with my parents what I was feeling and they stood with me in prayer as well as a good family friend, Esme. A couple of days later Esme told my Mum what God had showed her (as she doesn't have access to email, Facebook etc...)

I was scared that I would miss God's plan for my life 

That was exactly it!!!!

I knew at 11 years old that Africa would be where God wants me, but then what? I had no idea and guess what I still have no idea! I felt before arriving here that I knew where God was taking me (to an extent) but now that we're here, what next? I don't want to miss God's perfect plan for my life!!! Loud and clear... "I DON"T WANT TO MISS GOD'S PERFECT PLAN FOR MY LIFE!"

I have to be honest I spent months and months when we first arrived trying to figure out why Uganda? Why had God placed us here? Why? Why? Why? It took 6 months for me realise that I can't try and figure it all out and I simply won't, some things we just never know why. 

In the midst of trying to figure out WHY God had us here, I tried to make things happen because that's what I thought was meant to happen. I thought coming to Uganda was for God to place a God given vision to start an NGO or partner with an amazing organisation. I thought that I would fall in love with the country, the people and in turn it would feel like home. I thought that being called to a country meant that I would feel like I was making an impact, seriously the list could go on and on and on. Why wasn't I feeling these things? Why wasn't God placing amazing visions on our hearts? Why wasn't God doing things the way I thought He did in missionaries? Why was I forcing these things to happen? 

I've learnt over the past 3 months to let go and stop trying to figure it out. Since doing this I'm not scared of missing God's plan for my life, I'm excited and He has shown me so much!!! Since He has been sitting in the drivers seat, I feel at peace. As a passenger trusts that the driver will take them to their desired destination I know that God will take me to mine. I know that God's plan for my life is never ending, there are different seasons, different terrain, different territory that needs to be lost and/or gained and it will be an amazing road trip with him! But most of all this very day is where God needs me to be, THIS is His plan for my life and I don't want to miss it! 

Are the clothes fitting?

Today I received this email from Caroline Razario and I had to share!!!

Just over four years ago, kid was born and he's grown so much! It's amazing to me how fast these kids grow. He has long since outgrown his newborn clothes and is now fitting into kids’ clothes, sheesh! Weighing in originally at just over 8.1 lbs, he's already pushing 40! He likes to eat -- the kid can't get enough!

In this way, as we seek to serve the Lord, we need to love to eat His word. We need to be in a place where we can't get enough time with the Lord, worshipping Him, studying, praying fervently! We want to outgrow our spiritual clothes!

We have been given a calling by the Lord which seems all too huge -- clothes too big! We are called to be part of a royal priesthood, set a good example to the world around us, love our neighbor as ourselves, share the good news of Messiah, and later to sit at the Lord's right hand and rule with Him! I would say that those are big clothes to fit, but this is the Lord just showing us that we need to grow into our calling -- we need to grow into our royal positions! These tasks may seem too large for us but the Lord wants us to grow into the ministry He is calling us to!

Don't worry if your clothes seem to large now. Spend time in prayer and worship -- leave sin and the power of sin over your life behind you -- be filled in His power to live out your calling. You will soon fill the clothes that He has prepared for you! There's so much work to be done!

For this season

Wow can’t believe we are in a new year already. Most people would be excited, I'm excited but not in a way that I normally am about a new year. The truth is I’m more scared than I am excited!!!! I have been feeling sick in my stomach since yesterday about the year ahead. I just can’t shake the feeling and have no idea where it has come from, it’s turned up unannounced and has taken me by surprise.

What I am scared of exactly?

The answer to that I don’t even know. I can try and figure out what it is but it doesn’t make a lot of sense...I’m scared of the unknown, I’m scared of trusting God. But this reasons aren’t really true. The unknown and trusting God can be daunting but to be scared by them, no!

I feel in my spirit that God is really preparing me for this year ahead. Preparing me in a way that I have never experienced. I believe that this year is going to be massive, I feel like I'm really going to be tested, stretched, challenged am I ready? I don’t feel ready but it’s not about what I feel, it’s about what God needs to do in me for this season in my life.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything, and a season for very activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them. a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, and time for war and a time for peace. 

My God is faithful

Once again another year is over and as everyone does I reflected over this past year, 2011. As I looked back over the whole year, one big mosaic picture, I was totally blown away by God's faithfulness. 2011 was a year of saying yes, stepping out with boldness, walking into the unknown, learning to let God have full control, seeking Him more than I ever have, facing my fears head on, leaving family and friends for an unknown period, having a new intimate love with God, loving my husband more than the day we got married, emotional breakdowns, new skills learnt, new friends made and entering a new season. 

There is no doubt that this past year we have been exactly where God wanted us to be.

During the year God provided every need, not just some, but ALL our needs. He has been more than enough at exactly the right time. Not once have we gone without, He came through every single time! As we made ourselves available to Him, He made Himself faithful to us. What have I learnt this year? It's that MY God is faithful and He will NEVER let me down, all I need to do is be obedient and say yes to whatever He asks and He will do the rest.