First Not Second

I want to thank everyone who has been writing emails, encouragments etc… to Will and I. It means so much, especially the days when we miss family, friends and just the little things about home. 

I want to apologize for the non-existent blogs over the past 6 weeks, please forgive me, I do have a good excuse! Firstly my days have been extremely busy and sometimes long at Jordan House, just when I think I might get a spare five minutes to sit down and start I am very wrongly mistaken. Maybe I could write one when I get home I think to myself, notice I say maybe! Secondly the chance of having power when we get home is very slim, hence maybe. Thirdly I honestly have no idea where or how to begin to put into words the past weeks. I will try and start from the where I left off in my last blog…

As I said in my last blog, Jordan House wasn’t what Will or I expected it to be like. Many people before we left asked us things about our expectations regarding different situations, scenarios etc… My answer would often be “Honestly I don’t know what to expect” After arriving and working at Jordan House I soon realized that I DID have an expectation, to a point, about Jordan House and my role that I would carry out. At a point I actually said out loud to Will “I don’t think I could this for a year” The moment the words came out of my mouth I was reminded that God has called us here and He will gives us everything we need for our time here, including the strength needed. Don’t get me wrong I’m not bagging out Operation Uganda and we both still want to be here but it can be really frustrating when you don’t know why you are here. I’m glad I verbalised what I was feeling, there is defiantly a power in your words as they are released from your mouth. 

The bible says that your tongue can either bring life or death. Even though what I was saying was negative, when verbalised it may seem to reinforce my feelings, it actually did the opposite. As the words fell from my mouth my feelings were released and were replaced with God’s promises. I wish I could say that I haven’t said it again; it was just at the beginning of this week that the words came out of my mouth again. I felt guilty immediately after saying it because I know that I can, I know that God is in control, I know this the plan God has for Will and I at this point in our lives. I have learnt through this small frustration that, yes your tongue can bring life or death but we choose which of these the toungue will accomplish. I want life, which means instead of verbalising my weaknesses and doubts I need to verbalise, better still, proclaim the promises of God over my life. If I keep saying such things it will bring both WIll and I down, we won’t be able to reach our fullest in God. This time God replaced my own weaknesses with his strength, but I need to learn that it’s His strength that I turn to first not second!!!!!