All I can do is weep

Some time back a little boy caught me off guard. Here is his story...

To be honest I actually don't know his story but I wish I did. All I know is he caught me off guard, even if I was only face to face with him for less than a minute.

We were driving home one afternoon and as usual we stopped at a set of lights where beggars of all ages come to our window asking for money. It's one of those questions that I have struggled with since being here, "How's the best way to help?" Some would say giving money doesn't really help, in fact it causes more problems, so we have given food to them on some occasions instead. But to our astonishment and surprise they just throw the food on the ground, yell at us and walk away. So when we come to these sets of lights every single day it's a constant battle of what we should do and always ask ourselves "What would God want us to do?"

This particular day though I seen a boy whom I had never seen before. My guess he was about 9 years old. He should have been in school but unfortunately that was out of the question for him, instead he had to spent his days in the hot sun begging for money. He caught my attention though because unlike the other men, woman and children of all ages, he was standing alone with tears streaming down his dirty face. The moment I saw him I called out to him to come over to the window, which normally we try to avoid beggars at our window. As he approached us, tears starting building up in my eyes and when he came to my window I came face to face with a little boy that caught me off guard. I came face to face with utter brokenness and hopelessness, he couldn't even look at me in the eye. I didn't know what to do, I handed him a banana that we had left over from our lunch. With tears in my eyes while choking from holding back from bursting out in tears I asked this little boy what his name was. He softly replied but I wasn't able to understand, I didn't ask him again I just simply replied that it was nice to meet him. He turned and walked away slowly, head down and went behind a pole and starting eating his banana.

I watched him while waiting for the lights to turn green, fighting from within what more could I have done or said to him. By this time tears were streaming down my face. He caught me off guard!!! I have constantly battled with the question since "What should I have done?" I could barley talk to him because my heart was breaking but you know what...my heart should break!

Since being here there have been so many situations that I have no idea what to do and I still don't know in many cases. It's not a black and white answer. Normally my blogs are about revelations God has given me, reflections and things God has been doing in my life. But this blog is different, I don't have some big revelation from God, in fact it's quite the opposite.

I'm left with a heavy aching heart for the injustices of this world. This little boy should be able to kick a soccer ball around with friends and get an education that will later provide him with a job. Instead he walks the streets everyday begging for money. I don't have the answers and I certainly don't know if I did the right thing. All I can do now is commit this little boy to God and cry out to his Papa.

I'm left with an image of a little boy who's name I don't know, who's story I wish I knew and questions that I don't have the answers to. So many times since being here I've been caught off guard, when I'm least expecting it and I find myself in tears and in disgust at the world. How can this happen? How can this government let their young children walk the streets without getting an education? How can so many people go to bed at night without food in their tummies? Why do young girls, even toddlers get raped and are left with HIV? Where is God in these injustices?

Sometimes all I can do is weep, I feel like I can't do anything else. But it's ok because I see God in the very centre of the brokenness of this world weeping because if He doesn't, who will?