Fall afresh on me

I haven't written a blog in a very long time and to be honest I'm not sorry at all.

I'm having trouble processing everything that has happened in the last couple of months, but in a good way. God has shown me so much of Himself that it's almost impossible to put into words.

Seriously, how do I write anything that even comes close to how amazing He truly is.

I'm working on it though, I promise.


In the mean time here is a picture of how God literally poured afresh on me.

While away at "Transformation of the Heart Retreat," we had some free time and God gently said "Go sit in the garden". For many of you it would have been easy to go sit in the garden, but for me to just sit and do NOTHING, wow I really struggle. I have always been a person that has to be doing SOMETHING, I have never been able to truly relax.

The days prior to this, God really showed me that the devil has been robbing me of that time that I need to relax all my life. He's been stealing away the time I need to rest for myself and the time that God so dearly wants me to just relax and rest in Him.

I wasn't going to let the devil win this time, so I went and sat in the garden. I wasn't there long before I felt relaxed and at rest, not in my own strength, but I truly felt God's presence all around me. This was a big milestone for me, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have truly relaxed in my whole life (and it doesn't even take up all 5 fingers)

I was listening to worship music for about half hour and just soaking in His love. A song came on that I had never listened to before "Fall a Fresh On Me". I had my eyes closed but I felt something literally on me. Tears starting falling down my cheeks. God said "Look up". I opened my eyes, looked up and this picture above is what I seen. God said that He was literally falling afresh on me. You can't see it in the picture but there was a huge cloud with a hole in it. Through the hole a single beam of sunlight us shining through, straight on me!

God shows Himself in so many ways, He used nature this time. All He wants is for me to rest and relax in Him with no agenda. So often I was too concerned about what I can give to God but it's not about what I can give Him, it's about what He wants to give to me. That's all it's ever been about.



Fall afresh on me - Bethel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV77elsdUAI

Breathe life

Cystic Fibrosis here is what I have to say to you...

You don't have a hold on my brother, Jacob, or my family any longer! You don't determine his chooses, dictate what he says and you most certainly don't define him anymore. I know this disease is the devil's way of holding him back from all that God has for him and Devil you better listen real careful to all I'm about to say...

I have you figured out, the only reason your doing it is because your scared...well you should be!!! I'm warning you, you better start packing your bags and running as fas away as possible because if you don't your going to be broken down from every inch of my brother's body, every thought that possess his mind, every grip that you have on his future and guess what smart guy it's not going to be pretty. We will see who's laughing then!!!

You don't have the power, you never have. It's your own lies that have even deceived you into thinking that you even stood a chance. You know damn well that your battle was lost when the ultimate doctor and healer shed his blood to set Jacob free from your sickening hand.

My King promised to heal Jacob and I'm not gonna sit till He does. I'm standing in the gap knowing full well that God's promises are never broken. His word's are truth, not cheap junk like everything that comes out of your mouth and whispers into the ears of the valuable. No, my God speaks life into the very heart of his creation and sets them completely free.

I still don't think you get it after all these years. We are putting up a fight and we have the strongest army on our side. You better prepare yourself with some sort of protection because with just a single breath God will crush you.

You will be so badly crushed that you won't even think about attaching yourself to the organs of Jacob ever again. He will be set free, walking in complete healing. The thoughts that possess him will be of life not death. He won't be selling himself short anymore, he will be walking along side his creator. His creator that created him for a purpose, for freedom, for redemption, for relationship.

The things that used to satisfy him before will do nothing more then dissatisfy him. God's love will be so overwhelming but so evident in his life that the Kingdom of God will rejoice every time he takes a single breath. Every breath will be filled with life. Cystic Fibrosis' motto "Breathe Easy" will be nothing compared to every breath that he breathe's from this day on.

Complete healing will simply roll of his tongue, it will be the very essence of very word he speaks. Doctor's that have known him since birth won't be able to explain it, but Jacob will. He will look at them in the eye and say My God breathed life into every organ in my body.

Jacob is God's and God's only. Death does not stand a chance, he will walk in eternal life. The barrier between heaven and earth was broken and Jacob will receive the full force of what that means and what God intended it to be for him as his beloved child.

Jacob will breathe life, life in healing, life in love with his Saviour!

Isaiah 43:1-4
But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the One who got you started, Israel: "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end— Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.

All I can do is weep

Some time back a little boy caught me off guard. Here is his story...

To be honest I actually don't know his story but I wish I did. All I know is he caught me off guard, even if I was only face to face with him for less than a minute.

We were driving home one afternoon and as usual we stopped at a set of lights where beggars of all ages come to our window asking for money. It's one of those questions that I have struggled with since being here, "How's the best way to help?" Some would say giving money doesn't really help, in fact it causes more problems, so we have given food to them on some occasions instead. But to our astonishment and surprise they just throw the food on the ground, yell at us and walk away. So when we come to these sets of lights every single day it's a constant battle of what we should do and always ask ourselves "What would God want us to do?"

This particular day though I seen a boy whom I had never seen before. My guess he was about 9 years old. He should have been in school but unfortunately that was out of the question for him, instead he had to spent his days in the hot sun begging for money. He caught my attention though because unlike the other men, woman and children of all ages, he was standing alone with tears streaming down his dirty face. The moment I saw him I called out to him to come over to the window, which normally we try to avoid beggars at our window. As he approached us, tears starting building up in my eyes and when he came to my window I came face to face with a little boy that caught me off guard. I came face to face with utter brokenness and hopelessness, he couldn't even look at me in the eye. I didn't know what to do, I handed him a banana that we had left over from our lunch. With tears in my eyes while choking from holding back from bursting out in tears I asked this little boy what his name was. He softly replied but I wasn't able to understand, I didn't ask him again I just simply replied that it was nice to meet him. He turned and walked away slowly, head down and went behind a pole and starting eating his banana.

I watched him while waiting for the lights to turn green, fighting from within what more could I have done or said to him. By this time tears were streaming down my face. He caught me off guard!!! I have constantly battled with the question since "What should I have done?" I could barley talk to him because my heart was breaking but you know what...my heart should break!

Since being here there have been so many situations that I have no idea what to do and I still don't know in many cases. It's not a black and white answer. Normally my blogs are about revelations God has given me, reflections and things God has been doing in my life. But this blog is different, I don't have some big revelation from God, in fact it's quite the opposite.

I'm left with a heavy aching heart for the injustices of this world. This little boy should be able to kick a soccer ball around with friends and get an education that will later provide him with a job. Instead he walks the streets everyday begging for money. I don't have the answers and I certainly don't know if I did the right thing. All I can do now is commit this little boy to God and cry out to his Papa.

I'm left with an image of a little boy who's name I don't know, who's story I wish I knew and questions that I don't have the answers to. So many times since being here I've been caught off guard, when I'm least expecting it and I find myself in tears and in disgust at the world. How can this happen? How can this government let their young children walk the streets without getting an education? How can so many people go to bed at night without food in their tummies? Why do young girls, even toddlers get raped and are left with HIV? Where is God in these injustices?

Sometimes all I can do is weep, I feel like I can't do anything else. But it's ok because I see God in the very centre of the brokenness of this world weeping because if He doesn't, who will?

First few crucial moments

It takes me a while to get around to posting things between power outages and being in the right frame of mind to let the words flow freely. But I've finally got around to posting an incident that happened a few weeks ago.  I did post a status on Facebook about it so some of you may know already but here's the full story. Here are my thoughts since the incident and from a different angle. Be aware this isn't our proudest moment!

We have been here for 9 months and have managed to get away with any sort of accident that involves damaging the car. I say "damaging the car" because I have actually ran over a Boda Boda (motorbike) and hit a person while driving, both times it was their fault of course! I guess you could say they were accidents. Please take note that no one was hurt either of these times. I have learnt though the importance of using a horn and it's not to abuse people, instead, simply to inform people they need to move out of my way, fast, otherwise I will run them down!!! 

But on the 9th month of being here, a big 4WD (with a bull bar) hit the driver's back rear side, leaving a nice dint. The man driving simply continued driving as if nothing happened. Will pulled into the shopping complex where the driver was also going, in the hope that the man would pull over so we could sort it out, instead he continued to drive. This infuriated both Will and I, so Will being Will floored the accelerator and took after him, being thrashed around by the lack of concern for potholes. We caught up with him and just like a scene from a movie (where the cops cut off a getaway) we smashed the brakes on cutting him of so he couldn't go anyway, our car diagonally blocking the road with approx. 1.5m distance from both our cars. Of course me being me strongly encouraged Will to do so, in fact it was my idea to chase after him and to cut him off.

We both got out of the car and boy did Will let the driver have it!!!

I tried to calm Will down, which worked finally. Meanwhile two Indian men got out of the car and came over asking what the issue was. Will showed them the damage. Immediately the older man out of the two said that they need to take responsibility for what had happened and agreed to pay for it to get fixed. We found out that the man that was driving was just the driver for the Indian men, they pay him to drive them everywhere. Before we knew it we were having tea and biscuits in his office, he owns an engineering business.

This Indian man who was Hindu, highly respected by other people which was clearly evident, humbled us. The way he conducted and presented himself was full of grace and love. Here we are the so called "Christian's, followers of Christ" blasting the crap out of a man we didn't know from a bar of soap. Not once did the man raise his voice, get angry or point the finger. He could of got angry at his driver, but not once. We didn't even ask him to pay for the damage, he simply offered.

While we were having tea and biscuits in his office he asked us why we were here in Uganda. We shared about how God called us here and about God. He opened up to us about his wife passing away. It was a divine appointment, no doubt.

It was also special time where God really gave us a big kick up the bum, gave us a slap in the face, humbled us and woke us up big time. As much as we were able to share God with him, had we already done too much damage with how we reacted for the first one and a half minutes?

We still took the opportunity afterwards to share about God, but what about those first few minutes, we did cause damage no doubt. I needed to ask for forgiveness and even when I think about it now I'm ashamed. Some so called "missionaries"!!!

My God assures me that he uses even the most unworthy, uneducated, most sinful for His purposes, all I need to be is ready, willing and obedient. But it was this very moment that all God had planned for us to do or say was compromised in those first few moments. Know doubt God did something in that man's life as we shared about our creator, we could see it. But I ask the question how much more of an impact could it have been if we handled the situation differently in those first few crucial moments?

My Heart Sings

Today was one of those days that made my heart sing, the song in my heart couldn't have been any louder. That song was praise to my Papa.

Over the past weeks we have been doing assessments, home visits and interviews for possible new intakes into our child sponsorship program. We enrolled 22 in total, who now have a chance to get a free education. The school term started last Monday and now these children are getting an education that otherwise would be non-existent.

These children come from backgrounds and situations that make me ask the question "Why?!" with anger, heart-ache and frustration. This question is so simple but yet the answer is so complex and I may never understand. Often it feels so unfair and unjust but in the midst of it, when my heart is breaking, God fills my heart with a song, praising the one and only who is unconditional love.

For the first time today, these children received their school uniforms. The absolute joy on their faces brought tears to my eyes. Many were posing for photo's in their new clothes, many couldn't stop smiling, they were filled with so much excitement that they were just running up and down for no apparent reason, children charged at me with a huge hug, smile and a massive "thank you!". But it wasn't me they needed to thank, it was their Daddy in heaven, who loves them more than anything. As I stood back watching these precious children, my heart sang praises and I thanked God. It was one of those moments that I was literally falling more in love with Jesus, I couldn't stop myself.  As children around me were laughing and giggling with pride, my heart was rejoicing. I couldn't think of any other place I would rather have been. I don't know if these children will remember it for the rest of their lives but I most certainly will. When I asked the question "Why?!" I found my heart singing and I fell more in love with Jesus.

My heart also sang when prior to the children receiving their uniforms I sat with them and asked what they have learnt so far at school. All they could tell me was "friends!" They had learnt how to make friends!!! I have built a closer bond with these children and they are my friends and that's something that also makes my heart sing.

Maybe I need to ask this question more, "Why?!". The more questions I seem to have about this life and the things of God, the more God reveals Himself to me. Sometimes it's in ways that make me cry but today it made my heart sing!

Children before they received their uniforms (some wearing old uniforms from other schools)

Looking so smart in their new uniforms!

Isn't she beautiful, she makes my heart sing!!!

Posers!!!

Anger that makes the devil flee

Exodus 32:19-20
"When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. And he took the calf they had made and burned it in the fire; then he ground it to powder, scattered it on the water and made the Israelites drink it."


I love this verse!

I know this might not be the right biblical interpretation but this is what God showed me. And who's to say that what God reveals is wrong.


Moses was angry, I could only imagine him running through the camp screaming, being so full of rage that he had so much adrenaline pumping through his veins that he was able to tear down that damn golden calf.

I want Moses' anger! I want to be full of rage at the things of the devil. I want my anger to be so great that the devil flees.

Yes I know that anger isn't normally something that people pray for or something people would even agree with me on, but that's cool. I don't need people to agree with me.

Anger causes people to do and say things they wouldn't normally. They have the balls and guts to confront people and situations. I want this courage that anger gives someone; to tear down city walls that are holding a generation and generations back, things in my life that the spirit of complacency has allowed me to settle for, the things the devil is orchestrating right in front of my eyes that before I would let slide and think not much of it. If this alone isn't something to get angry about, than I ask the question... "How much power will the devil have before somebody gets angry?"

Ultimately the devil is a coward and when he knows that we are angry about his ways of power over us and holding us back from where God has promised to take us (just like the promised land was promised to the Israelites by God), he will without a doubt back off and flee. Because when we are angry God gives us the balls to take him on head on and the guts to rip him down and shred him to pieces as we declare Jesus!

Blessed

A few weeks ago we had a team from Melbourne come help out at Jordan House for a week. Will and I were blessed by their presence with us in Uganda, even if it was for only 7 short days. Fellow Australian's and to hear our own accent and slang again, Yay!!! Just hanging out with them, sharing stories and laughing was refreshing.

The whole team was fantastic and they truly loved their experience and who could blame them. God was moving in their lives and it was so evident.

The time we spent with them was really special and when they left one of them, Robert Agius, said that we will be friends for  life. This words were so true, we made friends for life in 7 days and we really miss them! Being able to share this experience with each other is rare and defiantly something to be treasured.

You all blessed us so much and we miss you...

Courage to be obedient!

Last week I received a link from my Mum for a position in Vietnam, working with a missionary family. Naturally I wanted to find out more, so I emailed the contact that I was given immediately with my experience, qualifications and asking them more about the details. Within half an hour I received a reply saying that I was well suited for the opportunity, the family would be contacted to find out more details and someone would contact me soon so I could start the application process.

"Wow that happened fast!" I thought to myself.

Honestly I don't think the opportunity is suited for Will and I, for many reasons, but it got me thinking...

Would we be obedient if God made it clear that this is where He needed us?
Would we be willing to give up our plans knowing full well that His plans are for eternity?

I want nothing more than to spend time (a long time) with my family and close friends, after being away from them for a year. But if God calls us else where for a season my prayer more than anything right now is that we would have the courage to be obedient.

The first thing that came to mind when I received the link about the position was "Why would Mum email me this, she would be so sad to see us go again". Later I find out that the Holy Spirit prompted her to do so and she emailed me the link with tears streaming down her face. Whether something comes of this or not, it doesn't matter, she was obedient and that's all God requires from us.

With just over 10 weeks before we land back on Australian soil I wonder what and where God will lead us to next? What will be our next season? I have no idea! Yes we have our plans but we need to be prepared to through them aside at any time if God needs us to. It may be in the little things not necessary moving to Vietnam but whatever it may be may we have the courage to be obedient!

Reckless

What I'm about to right about has been itching at me for days. But after hearing that two people I know have had cars accidents today, Easter Sunday, I have to write about it now. It can't wait!!! Life is too precious.

I want to live a reckless life!

No I don't mean the reckless life of partying, getting blind drunk, sleeping around, base jumping, tattoos, piercings, swearing, nudity, drugs. The list goes on and these are actually things that come up when you google "reckless living". So sad. That's not a reckless life!

I want to live a reckless life!

A life that means something. That leaves a legacy behind for my children and my children's children. That takes the road less travelled. That doesn't care if I'm the odd one out. That stands when everyone else sits. That sprints to the finish line when everyone else is just running. That is obedient to God no matter the cost. That doesn't settle for the normal or mundane. That steps out in faith and sees miracles. That feels God's heart. That feels His presence daily in all circumstances. That loves like God till it hurts and then more. That doesn't believe the lies of the devil. That leads by example. That would give everything away in an instant to see the Kingdom of God be fulfilled. That looks in to people's eyes and sees Jesus no matter who they are. That has a marriage that isn't perfect but a marriage that speaks of God without saying a single word. That has God at my very core until I am a fragrance of Him. That is in complete awe of Him. That has the courage to speak what God places on my heart. That will go into battle even knowing my life is at risk. That doesn't let the devil reign over my circumstances. That will step out of my comfort zone. That breaks barriers. That lets go of all fear of man. That worships God no matter how I'm feeling. That fears God. That somewhat comes close to the reckless life that Jesus lived. That simply living the "Christian" life  just isn't enough!

Big shoes to be filled I know. But this is the life I want. Reckless. It comes at a cost and I want to do everything I can to full fill this life that God has intended for me. A normal life isn't good enough and I won't have it. I need my friends and family to get on board. Make me accountable!!!

My heart is burning and my Spirit is stirring

Beautifully Broken

Wow! Right now that's all I can say about my God...

He forever blows me away with His love, faithfulness and the BIG things He shows me, even in the little things or things that seem insignificant.

I'm going to try my best to put into words what God has shown me recently. Every time I think about it, it humbles me and I want to fall at His feet, do nothing more than just be there at His feet...

I have recently shared about the beginning of this year, my fears and the revelation God gave me. What God is doing in me never stopped there. As I shared, this year is going to be massive spiritually, I can feel it and God is preparing me. Even after the last revelation I felt like something was wrong with me. I was experiencing things that I never have before, things that I felt I shouldn't since God called Will and I to Uganda. I felt transparent, not in a way people could see through me but in a way that made me feel vulnerable. Vulnerable emotionally and spiritually. Emotionally I was a wreck, one little thing could set me off in a whole day of crying, anger, negativity and doubt. I was determined not to be attacked spiritually, even though I felt like I was at times, I wasn't going to let it reign a high position in my life! I pressed into God in a way that was new and it hurt! I was pouring out everything to God, my fears, my hurt, my confusion, my doubt, my anger. But boy did I feel God ever so close. I could feel his presence fall over me. He was so real, He was my safety, He was my strength, He was my peace, He was my friend to pour out my heart to, He was my comforter, He was everything I wasn't!

Even though I was experiencing God in a way that I never wanted to let go off, it defiantly wasn't a place I wanted to be. I didn't want people to know, let alone see, how shattered I was. Things were happening in me that I had never experienced before and I didn't like it. I wasn't given the time to process any of it. Answers were required of me that I couldn't give. Assumptions were made. Things were spoken over our lives that went against everything we knew, without a doubt, God had for us.

One day God gently whispered to me, ''Your broken". This might seem strange but I could actually discern that it was a good thing. God was spot on but I asked the question "What does this even mean?"and "How is this good?. No one wants to be broken!

"Beautifully broken" was what He whispered to me next. God showed me that when I come to Him broken, in all my weakness, it's the perfect most exact place He wants me. It's a place for God to do what He needs in my life. During this time I was so broken that I wasn't resisting, even if it hurt more, how God wanted to mold me. He used this time to get my attention. God showed me that I was beautifully broken because nothing is more beautiful than where God wants me. He wanted me at His feet in awe of Him and I couldn't help but be anywhere else.

I have since embraced being beautifully broken, not in the same sense as before, God has been healing me and working through things in my life. But in a way that I come completely undone to myself, making myself broken before him. I am nothing without Him, He is everything I'm not. God showed me that even if I'm having the best day ever in my whole life, it's still on this day that I need to come to Him beautifully broken, making myself undone and available to Him. Being beautifully broken needs to be part of my everyday. It's a constant reminder that God is everything I need, everything I'm not and everything I need to strive to be. I am God's daughter and He requires me to be beautifully broken, everyday. There is no more beautiful place to be!