Reckless

What I'm about to right about has been itching at me for days. But after hearing that two people I know have had cars accidents today, Easter Sunday, I have to write about it now. It can't wait!!! Life is too precious.

I want to live a reckless life!

No I don't mean the reckless life of partying, getting blind drunk, sleeping around, base jumping, tattoos, piercings, swearing, nudity, drugs. The list goes on and these are actually things that come up when you google "reckless living". So sad. That's not a reckless life!

I want to live a reckless life!

A life that means something. That leaves a legacy behind for my children and my children's children. That takes the road less travelled. That doesn't care if I'm the odd one out. That stands when everyone else sits. That sprints to the finish line when everyone else is just running. That is obedient to God no matter the cost. That doesn't settle for the normal or mundane. That steps out in faith and sees miracles. That feels God's heart. That feels His presence daily in all circumstances. That loves like God till it hurts and then more. That doesn't believe the lies of the devil. That leads by example. That would give everything away in an instant to see the Kingdom of God be fulfilled. That looks in to people's eyes and sees Jesus no matter who they are. That has a marriage that isn't perfect but a marriage that speaks of God without saying a single word. That has God at my very core until I am a fragrance of Him. That is in complete awe of Him. That has the courage to speak what God places on my heart. That will go into battle even knowing my life is at risk. That doesn't let the devil reign over my circumstances. That will step out of my comfort zone. That breaks barriers. That lets go of all fear of man. That worships God no matter how I'm feeling. That fears God. That somewhat comes close to the reckless life that Jesus lived. That simply living the "Christian" life  just isn't enough!

Big shoes to be filled I know. But this is the life I want. Reckless. It comes at a cost and I want to do everything I can to full fill this life that God has intended for me. A normal life isn't good enough and I won't have it. I need my friends and family to get on board. Make me accountable!!!

My heart is burning and my Spirit is stirring

Beautifully Broken

Wow! Right now that's all I can say about my God...

He forever blows me away with His love, faithfulness and the BIG things He shows me, even in the little things or things that seem insignificant.

I'm going to try my best to put into words what God has shown me recently. Every time I think about it, it humbles me and I want to fall at His feet, do nothing more than just be there at His feet...

I have recently shared about the beginning of this year, my fears and the revelation God gave me. What God is doing in me never stopped there. As I shared, this year is going to be massive spiritually, I can feel it and God is preparing me. Even after the last revelation I felt like something was wrong with me. I was experiencing things that I never have before, things that I felt I shouldn't since God called Will and I to Uganda. I felt transparent, not in a way people could see through me but in a way that made me feel vulnerable. Vulnerable emotionally and spiritually. Emotionally I was a wreck, one little thing could set me off in a whole day of crying, anger, negativity and doubt. I was determined not to be attacked spiritually, even though I felt like I was at times, I wasn't going to let it reign a high position in my life! I pressed into God in a way that was new and it hurt! I was pouring out everything to God, my fears, my hurt, my confusion, my doubt, my anger. But boy did I feel God ever so close. I could feel his presence fall over me. He was so real, He was my safety, He was my strength, He was my peace, He was my friend to pour out my heart to, He was my comforter, He was everything I wasn't!

Even though I was experiencing God in a way that I never wanted to let go off, it defiantly wasn't a place I wanted to be. I didn't want people to know, let alone see, how shattered I was. Things were happening in me that I had never experienced before and I didn't like it. I wasn't given the time to process any of it. Answers were required of me that I couldn't give. Assumptions were made. Things were spoken over our lives that went against everything we knew, without a doubt, God had for us.

One day God gently whispered to me, ''Your broken". This might seem strange but I could actually discern that it was a good thing. God was spot on but I asked the question "What does this even mean?"and "How is this good?. No one wants to be broken!

"Beautifully broken" was what He whispered to me next. God showed me that when I come to Him broken, in all my weakness, it's the perfect most exact place He wants me. It's a place for God to do what He needs in my life. During this time I was so broken that I wasn't resisting, even if it hurt more, how God wanted to mold me. He used this time to get my attention. God showed me that I was beautifully broken because nothing is more beautiful than where God wants me. He wanted me at His feet in awe of Him and I couldn't help but be anywhere else.

I have since embraced being beautifully broken, not in the same sense as before, God has been healing me and working through things in my life. But in a way that I come completely undone to myself, making myself broken before him. I am nothing without Him, He is everything I'm not. God showed me that even if I'm having the best day ever in my whole life, it's still on this day that I need to come to Him beautifully broken, making myself undone and available to Him. Being beautifully broken needs to be part of my everyday. It's a constant reminder that God is everything I need, everything I'm not and everything I need to strive to be. I am God's daughter and He requires me to be beautifully broken, everyday. There is no more beautiful place to be!

I don't want to miss it!

In January I blogged about my feelings for this coming year and how I could sense in my Spirit that God was preparing me for something, something that I knew and still know is going to be big. I couldn't pin point my feelings of being scared or what I was even scared about. I just want to share with you an update about these feelings.

Still in January, when all these feelings were fresh, I shared with my parents what I was feeling and they stood with me in prayer as well as a good family friend, Esme. A couple of days later Esme told my Mum what God had showed her (as she doesn't have access to email, Facebook etc...)

I was scared that I would miss God's plan for my life 

That was exactly it!!!!

I knew at 11 years old that Africa would be where God wants me, but then what? I had no idea and guess what I still have no idea! I felt before arriving here that I knew where God was taking me (to an extent) but now that we're here, what next? I don't want to miss God's perfect plan for my life!!! Loud and clear... "I DON"T WANT TO MISS GOD'S PERFECT PLAN FOR MY LIFE!"

I have to be honest I spent months and months when we first arrived trying to figure out why Uganda? Why had God placed us here? Why? Why? Why? It took 6 months for me realise that I can't try and figure it all out and I simply won't, some things we just never know why. 

In the midst of trying to figure out WHY God had us here, I tried to make things happen because that's what I thought was meant to happen. I thought coming to Uganda was for God to place a God given vision to start an NGO or partner with an amazing organisation. I thought that I would fall in love with the country, the people and in turn it would feel like home. I thought that being called to a country meant that I would feel like I was making an impact, seriously the list could go on and on and on. Why wasn't I feeling these things? Why wasn't God placing amazing visions on our hearts? Why wasn't God doing things the way I thought He did in missionaries? Why was I forcing these things to happen? 

I've learnt over the past 3 months to let go and stop trying to figure it out. Since doing this I'm not scared of missing God's plan for my life, I'm excited and He has shown me so much!!! Since He has been sitting in the drivers seat, I feel at peace. As a passenger trusts that the driver will take them to their desired destination I know that God will take me to mine. I know that God's plan for my life is never ending, there are different seasons, different terrain, different territory that needs to be lost and/or gained and it will be an amazing road trip with him! But most of all this very day is where God needs me to be, THIS is His plan for my life and I don't want to miss it! 

Are the clothes fitting?

Today I received this email from Caroline Razario and I had to share!!!

Just over four years ago, kid was born and he's grown so much! It's amazing to me how fast these kids grow. He has long since outgrown his newborn clothes and is now fitting into kids’ clothes, sheesh! Weighing in originally at just over 8.1 lbs, he's already pushing 40! He likes to eat -- the kid can't get enough!

In this way, as we seek to serve the Lord, we need to love to eat His word. We need to be in a place where we can't get enough time with the Lord, worshipping Him, studying, praying fervently! We want to outgrow our spiritual clothes!

We have been given a calling by the Lord which seems all too huge -- clothes too big! We are called to be part of a royal priesthood, set a good example to the world around us, love our neighbor as ourselves, share the good news of Messiah, and later to sit at the Lord's right hand and rule with Him! I would say that those are big clothes to fit, but this is the Lord just showing us that we need to grow into our calling -- we need to grow into our royal positions! These tasks may seem too large for us but the Lord wants us to grow into the ministry He is calling us to!

Don't worry if your clothes seem to large now. Spend time in prayer and worship -- leave sin and the power of sin over your life behind you -- be filled in His power to live out your calling. You will soon fill the clothes that He has prepared for you! There's so much work to be done!

For this season

Wow can’t believe we are in a new year already. Most people would be excited, I'm excited but not in a way that I normally am about a new year. The truth is I’m more scared than I am excited!!!! I have been feeling sick in my stomach since yesterday about the year ahead. I just can’t shake the feeling and have no idea where it has come from, it’s turned up unannounced and has taken me by surprise.

What I am scared of exactly?

The answer to that I don’t even know. I can try and figure out what it is but it doesn’t make a lot of sense...I’m scared of the unknown, I’m scared of trusting God. But this reasons aren’t really true. The unknown and trusting God can be daunting but to be scared by them, no!

I feel in my spirit that God is really preparing me for this year ahead. Preparing me in a way that I have never experienced. I believe that this year is going to be massive, I feel like I'm really going to be tested, stretched, challenged am I ready? I don’t feel ready but it’s not about what I feel, it’s about what God needs to do in me for this season in my life.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything, and a season for very activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them. a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, and time for war and a time for peace. 

My God is faithful

Once again another year is over and as everyone does I reflected over this past year, 2011. As I looked back over the whole year, one big mosaic picture, I was totally blown away by God's faithfulness. 2011 was a year of saying yes, stepping out with boldness, walking into the unknown, learning to let God have full control, seeking Him more than I ever have, facing my fears head on, leaving family and friends for an unknown period, having a new intimate love with God, loving my husband more than the day we got married, emotional breakdowns, new skills learnt, new friends made and entering a new season. 

There is no doubt that this past year we have been exactly where God wanted us to be.

During the year God provided every need, not just some, but ALL our needs. He has been more than enough at exactly the right time. Not once have we gone without, He came through every single time! As we made ourselves available to Him, He made Himself faithful to us. What have I learnt this year? It's that MY God is faithful and He will NEVER let me down, all I need to do is be obedient and say yes to whatever He asks and He will do the rest. 

A hand to hold

Everyday children from the community enter the gates of Jordan House, some I know their names but many of them I don’t. They come to just hang out, they come to see the muzungu’s (white man), they come because they are hungry, they come to play with their friends that live at Jordan House and sometimes they come to receive a simple hug, kiss or hand to hold.

Early this week a little boy that I had never seen before was in the compound just wondering around looking a little sad and lost. I was sitting with a group of children close by playing ‘ring-a-ring-a-rosie’ when i gestured and verbalised for him to “come” in the local way. He quickly followed my request and soon we were playing ‘ring-a-ring-a-rosie’ together. Surprisingly he wasn’t at all shy, like I thought he would be. He kept wanting more tickles, every time bursting out with a high pitched laugh that made me laugh. I would tickle him just so I could hear his adorable laugh, which he didn’t mind at all.

For the rest of the afternoon he was my friend, holding my hand everywhere I would go, often leading me to wherever HE wanted to go. At that point I didn’t care if he was the only little boy that I had became friends with my whole time here.

Later that night I thought about this little boy, who’s name I did not know and a huge smile over took my face. I was reminded who simple this little boys intentions had been. He just wanted to be with me, to take hold of my hand and simply be together. God wants to simply be with me with whatever I do. He wants us to wake up in the morning together, He wants us breathe life together, He wants us to cry together, He wants us to laugh together, He wants us to have conversations together, He wants us to go to sleep together at the end of the day. It’s so easy to try and do things on my own and not include God but He wants to lead me wherever HE wants, just like the little boy and He simply wants a hand to hold, MINE!

It hurts

Today Will and I meet a lady at Entebbe airport. As we were waiting for her my eyes welled up with tears as I watched families greet each other, some were even crying themselves as they hugged their loved ones. I so wished that was me, greeting my family back in Brisbane, Australia. At that moment I would have given anything to jump on the next flight back to Australia. 

But I had to really ask myself the question, if I was really given the choose, would I? The answer was easy, no! It hurts so bad sometimes being away from family, especially when I don’t know exactly why I am here but at the same time that’s why I couldn’t jump on the next plane. I wouldn’t change this point of my life for anything! It’s hard waiting for clear direction from God but following God isn’t easy, sometimes it hurts so bad. But I know that God has my best interests in mind, He would never leave me, He is my comfort, He is my provision, He is my guidance, He is the reason at 11 years old He placed Africa not just on but in my hear,t I have to continue to push on and be lead by his voice. 

Challenged

Everyday here in Uganda I see beggars of all ages; men, women and children. It breaks my heart, especially to see children begging. These children deserve the chance to be a child, to play, to laugh, to dance, to learn, to have an education and to be loved. Many times children are taken from villages or sold by their parents to men that than bring them to the city to ‘earn’ money, only to give the money they ‘earned’ to their boss. Men and women with deformities, disabled or without limbs deserve some dignity.

Everyone here says not to give money to beggars, as money doesn’t fix anything. It’s true money doesn’t fix the self-mutalation, the child slavery, the drunkness that thrives amongst some of the beggars. Living here I have somewhat come accustomed to their way of life and accepted it. Sometimes I get so angry when I know and can see it’s all an act. 

But I was extremely challenged this week when I was having time with God.

Acts 3:2-7

‘Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put everyday to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. 

Everyday people walked straight past the crippled man on their way to worship God. Some may have given him money but many may have just walked straight past without even an acknowledgement. The thing that God challenged me with the most with was the fact that the people where on their way to worship God, but couldn’t even stop for broken. 

God challenged me to be Peter and John, to take hold of the precious gift Jesus left behind, the Holy Spirit and simply pray with the lost, the broken, the unloved. When doing home visits in the slums I sit and pray with Mama’s and their children. Why not sit and pray with the beggars? How can I say that I love Jesus, if I simply walk by!

It's the simple things...

Today’s Highlight: Sitting on a local Mama’s verandah, playing with her beautiful daughter while watching it rain. It’s the simple things that make me feel God’s heart, His heart of just sitting to play and love the children, even the children in the slums.