Up until a couple of years ago there were many character traits in my personality that would get me into trouble, especially in my teenage and early post teenage years. One big one was the fact that I spoke exactly what I thought when I wanted. There was no such thing as "think before you speak". No filter on my tongue or my heart for that matter. A lot of the time I would speak out of hurt, anger and judgement. I was very outspoken but at the same time extremely passionate about certain issues. Everyone knew me for this. It was part of my "personality". It did annoy me though, I knew I came across very rude sometimes.
The past couple of years God's been changing the attitude of my heart. Let me tell you first hand how the attitude of the heart changes everything! I noticed that how and what I spoke had changed, I wasn't speaking out of judgement, hurt or anger. God was dealing with that and I didn't need to hold onto it. I still spoke with authority and passion about what God had placed there and what I was passionate about, but it was different. I learnt that some things are just not worth verbalising because after pondering on it for a while my view point or attitude would change and understanding is what I gained.
See God has given me a personality for a reason. Because God is a personal God and he made me a personal being. He made me outspoken and extremely passionate but it's how I use these traits that's more important. Same as when God gives us gifts and talents, it's how we use them and do they bring him glory?
I had let hurt, anger and judgment take over the personalty that God had given me. The last couple of years God's been filtering out these things to bring glory to Him again. I'm still not there, its a journey that will continue to the day I die but I've realised it's an attitude of the heart. My attitude changes everything even down to how and what I speak.
Last weekend at young adults retreat Elisha (a good friend) had a word for me. I was a double edged sword. The truth and rawness I speak would be used for The Kingdom.
I've been seeking God about this over the past week and God clearly said that I'm everything He created me to be. Even the thing that has gotten me into trouble and been a hinder to me in the past. The two edge sword can destroy the enemy or me but He will use it for His kingdom, as long as my attitude is in check (a constant check needs to be made with a good kick up the but if necessary) This sword is extremely powerful in the spiritual realm and what I speak needs to be God's word and His truth and rawness.
Colossians 3
Psalm 149:6
"May the praise of God be in their mouths and a double edged sword in their hands"
Hebrews 4:12
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart
