Stop and Love

At the beginning of 2013 when everyone was making "New Year Resolutions" I was determined not to make one. Who sticks to them anyway? They make us feel good for the first month and then come February we have already slipped back into old habits, ways and lack the motivation that the first of January brought.  By the end of the year we feel worse about ourselves because we weren't disciplined, motivated or determined enough to accomplish what we set out to achieve at the beginning of the year. 

With this mindset, I started my year off "New Years Resolution" free. 

God whispered one word "Love"

Over the next few days God showed me that 2013 was my year to love. It wasn't to be my "New Years Resolution" instead "Love" was to be what I strived to become, be, pour out, lavish upon, breath, soak in. 2013 was to be what I was created for. Love.

I look back on this past year and ask myself the question "Did I love?". 

Yes. In situations where I would have normally became angry I found myself responding to with grace, acceptance and forgiveness  Not because I felt I had to but because love changes the heart. Love stretched me in 2013 and I found myself involved in things that I would have never dreamt of doing or achieving. Saying yes to love opens doors. My greatest love of 2013 hands down would have been the birth of our beautiful baby girl "Gracie Mayah". Holding her in my arms staring into her big brown eyes that trust and love me utterly and completing remind me on a daily basis what Jesus yearns from me also. She is teaching me how to love unconditionally and gives me more of a glimpse of how The Father loves. She is continually teaching me to go to Jesus for my source of strength and to be filled with more of Him.  

Such a little being has taught and shown me what love looks like. Love looks like getting down on the ground and playing instead of sitting on Facebook. Love looks like reading books instead of watching rubbish on tv. Love looks like making the time to spend with Will, my husband alone so our marriage stays fresh. Love looks like giving more of myself and my resources. 

But as I look back on 2013 another question remains "Did I love enough?" 

No. There are more times than I can count that I fell short. The most recent one was on Christmas Day, of all days of the year. I went for a run early in the morning before everyone was awake. Along my run I seen a homeless man packing the little belongings he had into a bag from the night before. My heart become heavy and I kept running saying to myself "I'll stop on the way back". On the way back I seen him again. I wanted to stop but the "He's a male, your a female, anything could happen because no ones around" excuses flooded in and before I knew it, I had ran past him and was back in the hotel. Ever since Christmas Day this keeps playing over and over in my head. I didn't love with the capacity that I was created for. I didn't stop. I let excuses win. I left Jesus lying on the grass beside the beach hungry and thirsty on Christmas Day! 

I don't want to come to the end this year and have a situation playing over and over in my head because I didn't stop and love. I want this year to be the year I just stop. I want even more opportunities to love like Jesus but I know this can't happen unless I stop. Jesus always stopped. I need to stop for the homeless man. This isn't a "New Years Resolution" it's what God created and requires of me. Stop and Love.